FORCED Home Schooling: Short Cuts to Better ResultsI spent about 15 years of my life home schooling three children, about 12 or so of those
LOVE Involves Trust: Why It’s Time to Deal With Your Trust Issues
You want to LOVE your Life – the entire point of my blog. Hopefully you want to have lots of LOVE in your life. You want all the LOVE you can have! Love involves trust so let’s jump right into this worthwhile and significant topic! I will first say that I know more than enough people with trust issues. It seems extremely common if not pervasive in our society. Trust is important not just in your personal relationships but also in business. Plenty of businesses have recognized the almighty importance of being trustworthy to their current and potential customers by making mistakes that cost them financially. What consumers willingly choose businesses that are not trustworthy and reliable? Not too many. There are plenty of books and scholarly articles for business leaders on how to be trustworthy and how to have their business entities be viewed as trustworthy to customers. Trust is the foundation for love and relationships of all kinds.
Trust is defined generally as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of something (synonyms: confidence, belief, faith). In this post I will cover the benefits to being able to trust others as well as the possible negative impact to trusting, the general components of trust, signs that you have trust issues and ways to build your trust muscles. For me, the biggest benefit to being able and willing to trust other people is the gift of LOVE. I LOVE the people in my life. I actually LOVE my life even though some other people are horrified at what I have been through. All that matters is that I LOVE it. There is nothing better than LOVE. Feeling loved and appreciated and showing others that you love and appreciate them. Loving your life! Being trusting, open and vulnerable allows to connect with people on a deep level, which is something that I appreciate because it makes life so much richer for me.
I am, however, guilty of being too trusting. It is my Achilles heel. It is also a choice I have made deliberately after weathering what could only be called an extraordinary betrayal and exploitation. I powerfully decided that I was still going to be trusting. After all, my ability to be trusting was one of the things that I loved about myself prior to the betrayal and exploitation. Why would I give that up because of one bad person or one bad experience? Yes, I will be a lot more judicious about who I trust and to what level, which goes without saying. And yes, I have learned about narcissists, psychopaths, and con artists, which is all very helpful in avoiding people who are not trustworthy. My choice to continue to be trusting is actually therapist approved so woo hoo for me! You don’t have to let one or more betrayals completely ruin your ability to be trusting.
Let’s say that you already know that you have trust issues. It is okay to have trust issues. You are okay just the way that you are right now and the ways that you are not. You want to have full compassion for how you are organized and how you are not organized. You want to love yourself including your imperfections, your issues and your problems. Okay, maybe not love your problems but at least deal with them. The power for you is in understanding that you have trust issues because then you can use that to set up your life to support you instead of triggering your trust issues. If you are not sure if you have trust issues then you can take a look at the list below of signs that you might have trust issues. You could have one or more of the signs and that is only an indicator that you might have trust issues not necessarily that you do.
You can easily live the rest of your life with your trust issues although you might want to be aware that trust issues are reasonably high on the list of reasons why intimate relationships don’t work out. Plenty of people function quite well in life and in relationships with trust issues so it’s not a deal breaker. If you are planning on holding onto your trust issues, which I totally understand and validate by the way, you might want to have some frank conversations with your significant other as to how the two of you can work around and support you with your trust issues. That can absolutely be done, but it would take a partner with empathy and the willingness to do what is necessary assuming it is within reason. Who in life has not either been betrayed, cheated on, lied to or otherwise exploited?
It often happens in childhood within the family of origin, or in early intimate relationships or sometimes much later in life. Most people have felt the sting of betrayal, which can even happen in non-sexual friendships. It’s what we do with the feelings of betrayal that matters. These events do not have to leave you scarred for life although that happens often enough. You do not have to be defined by any betrayals or exploitations in life. Your understanding of how you are organized or wired as a person can give you power.
Being the proponent of growth and development that I am, of course my thrown way of dealing with life is “Oh, there’s an issue – YAY – it’s simply an opportunity for growth and development.” That’s just my approach to life, which I am well aware is not the norm. Regardless of whether or not you ever decide to “do the work” on your trust issues, simply understanding that you have them is very powerful. I also happen to believe that once you can own your trust issues and share them with the appropriate friends, family or partners that you can gain even more freedom and power over that issue. I’m not saying that it will change the issue, but you taking ownership of your trust issues will free you up and help those who love you support you in a loving and compassionate way.
Just in case you are new to my blog, my usual disclaimers include that I am not a therapist of any kind nor am I a medical professional of any kind. If you are depressed or suicidal please call 911 and get help immediately or call your local suicide hotline. Nothing in this blog is intended as medical or therapy advice.
Benefits of Being Able to Trust People:
Risks/Negative Side to Being Trusting:
I assert that yes, being trusting has risks. There is no doubt about it. Yet, in my opinion, the risk of possible pain or possible betrayal is worth it because when you win you can get deep love, meaningful friendships, and the joy and happiness that comes from love in any form. The components of what goes into trust are not readily agreed upon at this time. The top contenders include reliability or dependability, integrity, good judgement, sincerity, empathy, and good character. Other components to trust, which are not necessarily less important include communication, benevolence, openness, vulnerability, past and present behaviors, the ability to trust, accountability, and transparency.
As I discussed in my past post about integrity (The Sheer Joy and Magic of Integrity, October 9, 2019), people simply are not going to trust you if you don’t keep your word. Integrity and keeping your promises have a side benefit of being seen as trustworthy, dependable, and reliable. So, if you want to be trusting I assert that integrity is front and center. There are a lot of variables.
Signs You Have Trust Issues:
Building the Muscle of Being Able to TRUST:
I personally can’t image dealing with some of the signs that having trust issues includes like being worried that people are out to get me, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, feeling alone or isolated, believing that I don’t deserve happiness, feeling hurt by every little thing someone does or says (or doesn’t do or say) or constantly getting triggered or defensive. I just cannot imagine living life that way. Many, many people live with those feelings and fears every single day. Life is difficult as we all know. Building your muscles to be able to trust the people in your life will help you get more love and happiness in your life as well as give you more freedom, power and less anxiety.
There is definite power in simply owning that you have trust issues and being able to name that area of your life. You don’t have to fix it or change it although you certainly could. If you wanted to you could make a commitment to working on it. You will be able to build muscles to trust others out of your commitment when you back up the commitment with actions that align with the commitment. Regardless, trust is an important component of living life. Anything you can do to build your ability to trust or even to be trustworthy in life will help you in many ways. I am here to help you along the way. Do you have trust issues? What do you have to say about trust issues? How can I support you in having a life filled with more love, happiness and freedom? How can I support your journey in life?
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