Is Low Self-Esteem Stealing Love, Joy & Happiness from Your LIfe? Top 29 Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem Like a Boss

Is Low Self-Esteem Stealing Love, Joy & Happiness from Your Life? Top 29 Tips For Boosting Self-Esteem Like a Boss
Self-esteem is all the rage these days and has been for some time now. How do you know if you have high or low self-esteem? What does it really mean and why is it important? Well, according to the research, self-esteem has a strong relationship to happiness! Happiness and loving your life are my thing so it is important to understand those things that can undermine happiness, love and joy. Low self-esteem, I assert strongly, is one of those things that sucks love, joy and happiness from your life. I will give you the really, really great news up front. Self-esteem is something that you can impact so if you have low self-esteem you are by no means stuck with it! Keep reading!

Many years ago, a friend and I were discussing self-esteem and whether or not either one of us had low self-esteem. She knew that I had occasions now and then to talk to a therapist and she asked me to ask the therapist, if I got the chance, about low self-esteem. One day I got the chance and I asked about low self-esteem. The therapist roared with laughter and said immediately: “Who are you asking for?” I was taken aback and not prepared for this response. I casually said that I was asking for myself because I didn’t want to admit that I was asking for a friend. The therapist laughed even harder saying again, “Who are you really asking for?”

So, I copped to the fact that I was asking for a friend. Then he stopped laughing and said, that it was clear that I didn’t have low self-esteem so it had to be for someone else that I was asking the question for. He went onto explain by giving me an example that went like this:

            A husband comes home from work and is in an angry huff. The wife seeing her husband’s behavior upon arriving home immediately thinks to herself that she should have worn a different outfit or she should have cooked something else for dinner or perhaps cleaned up the house a bit more.

Upon hearing the above example, it was my turn to laugh hard. No! That’s definitely not me. I would never think like that. It would never occur to me to think like that. That exchange was so shocking to me that it lives as something that I will possibly never forget. That is a completely foreign way of thinking for me, yet it is commonplace for many people in our society.

Before I get into low self-esteem, let me provide you with a compiled list of the characteristics or traits of someone with high self-esteem, which should give you a good basis for comparison as you read further. Here I am talking about high self-esteem, which is different than someone who is self-actualized – that is an entirely different subject (for another day).

Characteristics and Traits of People with High Self-Esteem:

  1. Love meeting people
  2. Have the courage to express themselves
  3. Have lives full of adventures
  4. Don’t care about other people think of them
  5. Are nicer to be around
  6. Have a belief in themselves and their abilities
  7. Willing to accept failures
  8. Respect the differences in other people
  9. Have healthy relationships
  10. Look for people who respect them and that they respect in return
  11. Self-confident
  12. Have an internal peace
  13. Seek continuous self-improvement
  14. Accept themselves unconditionally (self-love; self-acceptance)
  15. Take responsibility for their own lives
  16. Tolerate frustrations well
  17. Willing to take calculated risks
  18. Loving and Loveable
  19. Self-directed
  20. Assertive
  21. Natural curiosity
  22. Love challenges
  23. Eager to learn new things
  24. Able to express emotions
  25. Spontaneous
  26. Competitive with themselves not with other people
  27. Can handle both positive and negative emotions
  28. They are always willing to help other people
  29. Less susceptible to social pressures
  30. Capable of forming satisfying love relationships
  31. Happier with life

Low self-esteem can be found in all types of people including very successful professionals across all employment fields. It is not limited to one socioeconomic category. Some years ago, when I was working with my children, I did extensive research to find all of the signs and symptoms of low self-esteem. What surprised me was that low self-esteem was not like depression where there is an agreed upon list of criteria for what constitutes depression. Low self-esteem was all over the board. Because of that I compiled every sign and symptom that I could find into one massive list.

As we all know I am not a therapist or medical professional in any capacity, this list is simply that – a list of what is said to be a sign or a symptom of low self-esteem. It seems from my research one of the more noticeable signs or symptoms is being sensitive to criticism, or perceived criticism,  and being hypervigilant to signs of rejection or perceived signs of rejection. Individuals with low self-esteem can perceive criticism, rejection, rebuff, or disapproval when there isn’t any.

Before I get into the signs and symptoms, let me share with you the negative impact that low self-esteem can have on you. This is a compiled list with everything I could find online about the negative effects it has on people.

Negative Impact of Low Self-Esteem:

  1. Interpret non-critical comments as critical
  2. Increased anxiety
  3. Increased stress
  4. Loneliness
  5. Increases chance of depression
  6. Causes problems in platonic friendships
  7. Causes problems in romantic relationships
  8. Can impair academic success
  9. Can hinder job performance
  10. Negative feelings
  11. Self-loathing
  12. Obsessed with being perfect
  13. Lowered resilience (harder to recover from setbacks)
  14. Feeling powerless
  15. Leads to increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse

The above list is not going to give you a happy life. The above impacts of low self-esteem are not going to help you have a LIFE that you LOVE. The negative impacts of low self-esteem are counter to what you want going on in your life. Here’s two tools to help you determine where you are with self-esteem.

In the 1960’s sociologist Morris Rosenberg developed a self-esteem scale, which can be found online in the form of a simple test that can even be scored electronically. Here is a link to one such test: https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm. This is an online test you can take and score in a few seconds. Just make sure you read each question fully before answering.

Alternatively, you could look over this list and see how many of these signs and symptoms you have.

Signs and Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem:

  1. Sensitive to criticism or perceived criticism
  2. Social withdrawal
  3. Hostility
  4. Excessive preoccupation with personal problems
  5. Negative thoughts and/or self-critical thoughts
  6. Inability to handle praise
  7. Condescending or puts other people down
  8. Controlling personality (instead of empowering others)
  9. Can’t say no
  10. Being indecisive
  11. Blames others (instead of taking responsibility for one’s actions)
  12. Overly apologetic
  13. Doesn’t stand up for him or herself
  14. Gives up too easily
  15. Aiming too low or avoiding challenges
  16. Chronically comparing yourself to others
  17. Easily depressed
  18. Ruin your own fun or good times
  19. Claim everything is luck
  20. You buy things you don’t like
  21. You tell really dumb lies (and then wonder why)
  22. Pessimism
  23. Exaggeration
  24. Lack of boundaries
  25. Overly concerned about others opinions of you
  26. Timid behavior
  27. Absence of assertiveness
  28. Pretend to be someone that you are not (Pretense)
  29. Non-conformist/Anti-social behaviors
  30. Rebellious behaviors
  31. Lack of generosity
  32. Material outlook (judging others by what material goods they have or don’t have)
  33. Doubting yourself
  34. Thinking that other people treat you badly because you somehow deserve it
  35. Competitiveness
  36. Perfectionism
  37. Alienation (alienating others)
  38. Procrastination
  39. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
  40. Eating disorders
  41. Overthinking
  42. Workaholic
  43. Over or Under achieving
  44. Disliking people in general
  45. You have self-limiting beliefs
  46. Difficulty being in the present moment
  47. Shame

Phrases used by people with low self-esteem:

  1. I can’t
  2. It’s impossible
  3. I hate the way I look
  4. I’m not good enough
  5. I’m not worth it
  6. I can’t say no
  7. I’m not as good as…
  8. I don’t deserve…
  9. I’m sorry
  10. I can’t decide

If you compare the characteristics and traits of someone with high self-esteem to the signs and symptoms of someone with low self-esteem, it should be pretty clear which of the two most people would prefer. The good news as I mentioned in the beginning is that low self-esteem is something that you can change – over time with some effort on your part. You want to have a happy life that you LOVE living! At least that is my intention here. Why not? What are you waiting for? I have listed some of the best ways to start your journey on moving up the scale of self-esteem. You can get there. I know that you can. I am positive you can do this.

Top 29 Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem Like a Boss:

  1. Practice loving yourself AND your imperfections.
  2. Make a plan for your future that makes you happy and inspired. See my post titled: Road Map for Creating a Life that YOU LOVE. September 2019.
  3. Start using your time to forward the plan you have for your life. See my post titled: LOVE the TIME of YOUR LIFE – September 12, 2019.
  4. Engage in personal growth and development like it matters. See my post titled: Top 45 Ways that Personal Growth & Development Will Help You Have a Life You Love, November 29, 2019.
  5. Make signs and place them around your living space. For example: “I am good enough.” Or “I don’t have to be perfect.” Or “I am loved and valued.” Signs really work.
  6. Volunteer someplace. Hopefully somewhere that would make you feel happy.
  7. Practice gratitude.
  8. I have written extensively on this. See my post titled: How Hobbies Can Help You Love Your Life and the Top 23 Reasons You Should Hobby Up, December 11, 2019.
  9. Figure out what makes you happy and sprinkle your life with that. No kidding. Bring intentionality to your daily living.
  10. Practice Self-Care. This is important and I have written about this in my post titled: Self-Mastery, Self-Motivation, & Self-Care: The Holy Grail of Happiness & Joy, January 30, 2020.
  11. Recognize that this is a process. Rome was not built in a day nor will you go from having low self-esteem to high self-esteem overnight. Have compassion for yourself that you even recognize that you do or might have low self-esteem. That’s a good starting point.
  12. Learn to manage your thoughts. Replace any negative self-talk with life-affirming positive thoughts.
  13. Manage your integrity like it matters because it does. Integrity is a muscle that will help you feel better and make progress in every area of your life. See my post titled: The Sheer Joy and Magic of Integrity, October 9, 2019.
  14. Don’t skimp on your sleep. It’s very important to your overall well-being, which is critical as you work on raising your self-esteem.
  15. Increase your nutrition any way that you can. Every little bit helps. See my post titled: The Ultimate Consumer Guide to Nutrition, Why It Matters and How It Could Save or Change your Life, October 29, 2019.
  16. Try doing affirmations. They can work wonders.
  17. Take a page from professional and Olympic athletes and visualize you living your dream life. See it in your mind. If you can see it and believe it – you can achieve it or so the saying goes. I firmly believe that is true.
  18. As for help, support or coaching or a mentor!
  19. Really get to work on being present! You can’t be in your head if you are really being present in the moment.
  20. Make it a point to play and have fun. Laugh as much as you can.
  21. Exercise is good for the body and it will definitely help you if you have low self-esteem. Remember that walking is a very effective form of exercise.
  22. Read or watch inspiring materials. Stay away from negative, depressing or dark material.
  23. Make up your mind about how your life is going to go moving forward – and be rigorous and relentless in your pursuit of happiness and joy. Don’t let anything stop you from having a happy and beautiful life.
  24. Determine if you need therapy. If so, get going.
  25. Get out there and socialize because that is a great way to boost your feelings. Read my post for more detailed benefits about socializing: 21 Reasons Why Making Friends Will Help You LOVE Your Life & 17 Ways to Make New Friends, December 3, 2019.
  26. Spend 15 minutes a day doing something to improve your life. Go for a walk – preferably outside. Clean up your living space or car. Get rid of stuff you don’t use or need. Find something to do for 15 minutes a day to improve your life and that will equal over 91 hours in a year. That’s a lot of time!!
  27. Pray or meditate.
  28. Dress and groom yourself every day! You will look and feel so much better!
  29. Get a partner who wants to work on their self-esteem or their life and support each other. It will be a lot more fun than doing it alone!

Concluding Thoughts:
On the road to having a life that you LOVE, low self-esteem is one of the show stoppers that can rob you of love, joy and happiness. Yet, even if you have low self-esteem right now, it is not something that you are stuck with. There are plenty of things that you can do on a daily basis that over time will completely transform your life. If you spent 15 minutes a day working on your life or yourself then in a year you will have spent 91 hours forwarding or improving your life. That is significant. That is so doable! Everyone has 15 minutes that they can spare. The question is are you willing to have a life that you LOVE?

We are all works in progress. While some people are stuck in the past or have no traction to move forward, it is possible for anyone to create a life that they love over time. Helping people live their best life with LOVE, Joy and Happiness is one of my passions. What is holding you back in life? What support do you need? How can I help you? There is no time like the present to take command of your life and start doing the things that are necessary for you to be happy and have a powerful life you LOVE. That is what I want for all of you – sheer love, joy and happiness. Let me know how I can help you get there.
Love,
Lisa

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